I Want $168 Million

At what point do you stop hoping you're going to win the lottery and start just assuming you're going to win? I mean to the point that you're surprised when you lose?

How do you tell someone their friends are ugly? I just spent about 20 minutes on a friend's website, which consisted entirely of pictures, and the only conclusion I came to was that she had ugly friends (male and female) and probably bad taste in both. No wonder my hopes are high with her.

People are always asking me, "Mr. O, What does 'Could be worse' mean?" Simple! Your parents are fat, that means you're probably going to be fat. At least you're not ugly and annoying. (Oh wait...) (PS, that was not some clever self-deprecating remark. I may not be rail thin, but I'm certainly not fat, and clearly my charm knows no bounds... other than northern Canada, that's far! Those in the know are aware who I'm talking about, everyone else... wait, where was I going with this?)

I know I shouldn't write this. I know it. But I'm going to anyway. And why? Because I'm stupid and I really believe that almost no one will ever read this. Tennessee must be home to the women with the highest average breast size on the planet. I was in a bar tonight and there were so many enormous boobs I lost count. I'm pretty sure it was an even number. And the girls are cute! So what the hell happens between college (it was definitely a college bar) and 30 that they have to gain 40 pounds and drop 6 kids out of their ever-widening uteruses (uteri?). I'll tell you what happens... Waffle House. That place is like a communicable disease, spreading through the heartland. It's white trash AIDS. Or at least syphillis.

OK, so maybe I had a few before I wrote this.